Dighton author Alberta Sequeira recounts family’s battle with alcoholism

Posted Nov 16, 2010 @ 10:57 PM

Last update Nov 16, 2010 @ 11:11 PM

DIGHTON —

Alcoholism is a nationwide pandemic, often affecting the family just as intensely as the drinker. After former Dighton resident Alberta Sequeira lost two family members to the disease, she was determined to find a way to fight it. So she documented her experiences in the published memoirs: “Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round” and “Please God, Not Two.”

Sequeira didn’t consider writing about her lifelong journey until she was compelled to write about a different subject: The bond she made with her father before he passed away. Sequeira first memoir, “A Healing Heart: A Spiritual Renewal,” was published in 2006.

“I never had intentions of being a writer,” Sequeira said. “But when I talked to my father as he was dying and he told me how he was disappointed his story would never be passed on, I took it upon myself to tell it.”

After receiving praise and finding people could connect with the story she told, Sequeira took on a braver venture — writing about her ex-husband’s alcoholism in her second memoir, “Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round.”

Revisiting the past
 Sequeira addressed the effects alcoholism has on the family, writing about how the disease broke up her marriage of 14 years to Richard Lopes and led to scarring emotional abuse.

“It was the ’70s, I was a young girl with no idea that Richie’s drinking was a disease,” Sequeira said. “The way to deal with it was to not talk about it. This was back in the day when you didn’t even talk about your marital troubles, never mind someone’s drinking problem.”

Sequeira said it took approximately a year to gain permission to write about her story with her ex-husband.

“It was a little messy at first being that they were well-known in the community,” Sequeira said.

 Originally Sequeira was going to cast her story in a fictional light, but when she reflected on her trying time, she decided only the truth would make the most impact.
“I didn’t want to hurt anyone but I knew the truth would be the best to tell my story,” Sequeira said.

It wasn’t until Sequeira divorced Lopes that she was able to begin to get her life together while at the same time realizing the damage done by Lopes’ alcoholism.
“I regret that I didn’t make demands sooner to get him to stop,” Sequeira said.

“Instead I was an enabler and I didn’t realize how I emotionally injured my two girls.”
Lopes passed away in 1985 at the age of 45 from cirrhosis of the liver, leaving daughters Lori and Debbie. Sequeira thought the pain she had endured would be over, only to find out as she and her daughters’ lives continued on, one would soon be fighting the disease that had taken their father.

“We didn’t know (my daughter) Lori had a drinking problem for years. She hid it well,” Sequeira said. “We only started to find out when her health went downhill.”

Within a matter of years, Sequeira went to fighting for her former husband’s life to fighting for her daughter’s life, still not knowing where to turn through it all.

“Lori went in and out of rehab and her sister and I tried to take her in,” Sequeira said. “People say you need to stay away until someone hits rock bottom, but I disagree, because for Lori and Richie, death was their rock bottom.”

Another life taken
On Nov. 22, 2006, at age 39, Lori also succumbed to the same disease that claimed her father.

As Sequeira recounted her two loved ones death to alcoholism, she got quite emotional, noting the anniversary of Lori’s death and the revival of feelings due to being back in her hometown.

  “It’s just so hard being near where they were buried and with the anniversary of Lori’s death approaching,” Sequeira said as she fought off tears.

After grieving Lori’s loss, Sequeira again went back to her outlet of writing,  continuing on with the telling of Lori’s story and her battle with the disease in her second book “Please God, Not Two.”

“People often associate alcoholics with low-class people and that’s not true at all,” Sequeira said. “Lori had a high-power job, a wonderful family, and eventually lost it all.”

Still grieving the losses of her ex-husband and daughter, Sequeira has been able to find some solace and love again with her daughter Debbie’s support and her second marriage to Al Sequeira.

“You don’t ever really heal from something so traumatic but I have to look at the blessings I do have,” Sequeira said. “I have my daughter, Debbie Dutra, three other step-children that love me, and ten grandchildren between Albert and I.”

Sequeira hopes to continue speaking with others about her book including children and those in half-way homes.

“I want people to read these books and learn something from them,” Sequeira said. “Even if they can hear me talk about the book and take away one thing, it might be what they need to hear to stop.”

Writing-wise, Sequeira is currently working on a more comedic piece of literature.
“I want to show people I have another lighter side,” Sequeira said. “Right now, I’m going down the path God has made for me.”

Contact Alyssa Smith at asmith@tauntongazette.com

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